Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Valentine's Day

Valentine’s day has been around for years…over a thousand actually. It is the reason we have the colors pink and red, the reason we have little hearts with stupid messages on them, the reason guys hate roses, the reason so many people are born in November and the reason some grown men get a chance to wear a diaper, shoot a bow and arrow while pretending to fly if only for one day. But now Valentine’s Day has come and gone again. Those of you who are glad it’s gone probably don’t even call it Valentine’s day. You probably call it something lame like Singles Awareness Day to make yourself feel better about not getting anything. For those of you who like V-Day, I hesitate even writing this blog because it might cast a shadow over your wonderful Valentine’s experience. But the truth must be told…

Most people believe that Valentine’s Day was born to remember some old priests who eventually became martyrs on February 14th, 269. I do not want to make light of sacrifice of these men and their devotion to the Lord but I must say that this is not the true origin of Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is the result of the World Holiday Summit of 1329. The summit was held in what used to be known as the City of Corinth and was the Brain Child of Valerie Smith and Alfred Tines. The purpose of the Summit was to create a new holiday between Christmas and Easter. They invited their mutual friend Guy Lasier to help argue their case.

You see Valerie was an elementary aged teacher who simply wanted a day off from teaching where she could just let her students eat candy and write notes to each other all day without consequences. Alfred Tines was the owner of a small greeting card company that desired to make their name (originally Wallscratch but changed to Hallmark when popularity grew) known around the world. Guy was simply that…a guy…a guy who was sick of treating his girlfriend properly all year long and desired to have just one day to make her feel really special so he could ignore her needs the rest of the year.

These three plotted together to come up with a holiday that would accomplish all of their goals. They gave the holiday the name Val and Tines Day which was eventually shortened and changed to Valentine’s Day. They used the story of three martyrs killed on February 14th to cover up their true selfish motives, provide them with a convenient date, and validate their holiday’s name (the three martyrs all shared the name of Saint Valentine). The publicized theme of their holiday was celebrating love. They got the idea from 1 Corinthians 13 which is of course the love chapter of the Bible and is part of a larger “love” letter written to the people of Corinth where this fraudulent summit was held.

With no reason to do otherwise, the jury, conveniently made up of 10 catholic priests and two candy heart makers, voted to make Valentine’s Day and Internationally celebrated Holiday. Ever Since that fateful day, those of us who celebrate Valentine’s Day follow in the footsteps of its creators. Guys drive frantically to the grocery store to buy roses for their wives and girlfriends before all the not-so-wilted ones are gone and hope to find some clearance sale candy before it’s too late. Teachers sit back and watch little Sally give Timmy a heart shaped Valentine. Then they watch Sally run crying to the girl’s bathroom because Timmy used her Valentine to wipe his nose and clean the dog poop of the bottom of his shoe. And worst of all, Greeting Card companies sit back and watch billions of dollars roll into their pockets as people of all ages pay $5.95 for a card that took $0.04 to make in a factory in Japan.

Well I’ve had enough! By all means celebrate Valentine’s Day! Make it special! Spend $50 on roses that won’t last two weeks. But don’t let be any excuse to be lazy the rest of the year. Maybe, you can celebrate Valentines on another day too. Maybe you can treat your wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, mom, dad, dog, pet rock, lizard, broom in the closet, hamster, or package of bacon like you love them every day of the year and not just on February 14th. It’s just like Sundays at church. If you don’t acknowledge God the rest of the week, do expect to catch up on your worship on Sundays. Happy Val and Tines day! Thanks for Reading!

Post Script: The Story Posted Here in no way reflects reality. I made it up…for fun…because I thought the real version was boring…and I like to make up stories…and eat bacon…and……………….fart sometimes.


1 comment:

  1. You had me going. I thought your story was real. It is kind of like the time you talked me into climbing the huge Christmas tree in NY city because there was a trap door at the top that led to guitar wonderland...oh Eric.